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Lost for words

If only I was capable of writing down every feeling I get when I'm with you, I could have written a whole book in just one sitting down. If only I could tell and put it into words how all the butterflies in my stomach rumbles and runs in circles every time you say my name, I could have written a thousand poems dedicated to you. If only we were all born to find the right words to express everything we wanted to, I could have been dancing under the stars with you in my arms right now, instead of missing you. I know all the words to say when I'm talking about everything under the sun, how my day went, how I like my coffee, how I ran in my dream last night, everything, but that one moment I needed all the words I knew all my life, that one moment I was supposed to embrace to make you feel how special you are to me,  I suddenly forgot that I knew how to speak . I let it slip in my hands as if it was something that wasn't meant to stay. I could not find a single thing I love a...
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Unsent Letters: Willing To Settle

Today, I realized one thing. I'm willing to settle for whatever we have right now, no matter what this is. I'm going to stop asking for more because having you around is already fine with me. This is better than not being with you at all.   It's more than half a year, dear. And I never left. I watched you fall in and out of love. I watched you be happy with someone else and I picked you up when you felt unhappy. I was there. I've always been there. You know what's the hardest part of it all? You looked at all the other girls except for me. I'm here but you never even considered or even laid your eyes on me. Am I that unworthy of your love?   But it's okay. I'm okay. I'll be okay as long as you're still here with me. I know I'm just building my own bubble of love that will never even come to life. I know this is just all in my head and I'm just one of your girls. But darling, I'm here. And I'll always be here. Half a year,...
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Unsent Letters: I Did Let You Go

It's more than a year now since the day I lost you, since the day I thought I let you go. I did let you go but I forgot that my heart has always been with you. Even after many months, I'm still here picking up the pieces left of you. I'm still going to places where we've been, stacking every memory we had so I wouldn't forget any of it. I'm still reminiscing about what we had and I can't help but share our memories with other people with the same glow in my eyes and the same smile you gave me ages ago. I'm still rereading your letters, every word of it, as if I'm reading it for the first time. I'm still looking at our photos and going back to the days when we still shared the same rhythm.    It was so familiar. It felt like home.   I thought if I went back to the home where I can find familiarity and comfort, I'll regain everything I lost in the past, including you. But I was wrong. Change is the only thing constant in this world...
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Don't quit

"When you feel like quitting think about why you started" The hard quizzes, cramming of assignments, failing over and over again, crying and late night breakdowns. These are definitely the reasons why I became stronger as a person. To be honest, when I first failed my quizzes in this class, I felt like my world is crumbling. This was the first time I had a hard time. I kept on reevaluating myself and my actions. "Where did I go wrong?" That was the line I would always ask myself. As time passes by, I realized that the mistake wasn't me in general but in my decision. I made a wrong decision of getting the hard subjects in one term. I don't know where to focus  on or where to put my head on because there was so much things to do. I need to change something. And that is my perspective. Despite having a hard time, I chose not to have breakdowns, crying and complaining sessions with friends. I chose to be optimistic. That even though it's hard ...
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Unsent Letters: Rebound

I never really thought of you for a long time now. I never even imagined myself writing you a letter again.   I never really cared about you until that one night when we talked and maybe it was just the alcohol consuming my body but the world stopped moving for a while. It was so complicated because you had a girlfriend and she was my friend. I became the third party and because of that, I lost too many friends. I lost my reputation because who would want to be friends with someone like me? But the highlight of it all, where were you when I needed you? You went back to her arms. You left me like I was just a back up plan. I was just a third party, anyway, I'm nothing.   Eventually, she left you for your best friend. You were devastated and you couldn't even pick yourself up from the ground. I knew you needed a friend. I was so stupid to think that we can be friends so I helped you out. We became really close until the day came when you asked me out. I said yes eve...
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Home

It's Sunday morning and I'm sitting down wondering where you are and what you are doing. I feel lonely. I feel the emptiness of not having someone who thinks about you. I feel alone because there's no one I can call home. I forgot what it's like to love someone and be loved back just the same. I forgot how to take care of someone and be taken care of. I forgot how to be in a relationship. I forgot everything about love and commitments because all I'm left right now is emptiness. They say it's happier and better to be single because you don't have worries and responsibilities. But, I'd definitely say no to that. I'm always looking for the feeling of companionship. I just want to feel that I belong to someone and that someone belongs to me. This may sound as ownership to other people but for me, it is assurance of a home. I always consider my special someone as my home. A home that I can always go back to at the end of everyday. A home that I can ...
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To my almost lover

I wasn't looking for anything that day. But with a simple conversation, you stole my heart. I did not see that one coming but I must admit, after that moment, I can't help but think of what it is I'm feeling. I don't think it's normal because I don't find people interesting during first conversation but you actually stand out. I'm not the "crush" type of person either. I find someone attractive for a few seconds and after awhile, it's gone. As easy as that. Maybe there's really a first in everything. We reached the point that we talk everyday. I already know a lot about you but I can't help to feel the eagerness to get closer to you. I constantly catch myself thinking of you at 2 in the afternoon and even at 3 in the morning. I wait for your replies. If you forgot to text me back, I'd see myself composing a message just to start the conversation. People are teasing and pushing us to be together. I did see myself with you. I really ...
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